Q: Why is my modem screeching when I click log in?
A: This is completely normal and indicates that your desktop telephone interface card is singing the song of the internet. Do not pick up the house phone line during this song, or you will sever the connection and interrupt local slag data transfers.
Q: Is RocketMail.mom affected by the Y2K computer bug?
A: No. Under the strict supervision of Frank Pacheco and Pacheco Heavy Industries engineers, our database fields use custom three-digit year registers (e.g. Year 100 instead of 00) which successfully bypasses millenium limits.
Q: How do I print my e-mails to show my grandchildren?
A: Click the "Print" icon on your Netscape Navigator browser. Ensure your dot-matrix printer has enough tractor-feed paper loaded and the ribbon is properly oiled.
Q: How do I stop getting emails about cheap watches and steel mill supplies?
A: All promotional advertisements are vetted by Pacheco Heavy Industries. Reading these advertisements increases corporate synergy and keeps our smelting mills operating at 94% efficiency. There is no option to disable them.
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